Aspie nt dating
and assumes you do too." Of course, one of the twists of having AS is that you tend to develop an outsider’s perspective on social rules in general, and the world of dating is no exception. A lot of the "obvious" rules about dating are actually pretty arbitrary, so we aren’t instinctively aware of them.I remember feeling disgust and then curiosity the first time someone explained the concept of “dating leagues” to me, or being stunned to learn that a girl who invites you to a hotel room to "just chill for a night" might actually mean the opposite of that, or that one who keeps postponing seeing you again is blowing you off. I recently had a conversation with a friend who commented that people with AS should "just use common sense" when navigating the dating scene.While the merely awkward are at least subconsciously aware of these variables when they’re engaged in an interaction, someone with AS is wired to assume that (a) if someone finds us attractive, they will directly and immediately state it from the get-go and (b) they would want us to do likewise.The idea that people communicate interest other than through what they actually say, or that even what someone says is fraught with layers and nuances — none of this occurs to us, since our instinct (which we assume the rest of the world shares) is to just say what we think and feel at length without any filters.If nothing else, many of us (myself included) have learned through careful study, trial and error, and self-discipline how to socially "function" at the level of people who don't have AS.It's still possible to have sexual and/or committed relationships, and while the ordeal may be painful at times, it is undeniably worth it. After all, there are few places in society where social rules are as crucially important and deeply entrenched as in the sphere of courtship, and being mildly autistic — or having Asperger's Syndrome (AS), if you use the label as it was before the APA revised its diagnostic criteria last year — impairs your ability to comprehend nonverbal communication. There is more of a connection between these two things than you might think.
In fact, I’d probably join those out there who’ve remained single, either by choice or by default. Others find them in religious entities, like a church, synagogue, or temple. The unfortunate part is that most of those situations involve leaving one’s house.To quote Russell again: "To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." Copyright © 2017 Salon Media Group, Inc. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon Media Group Inc.Reproduction of material from any Salon pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. Associated Press articles: Copyright © 2016 The Associated Press. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.The deeper you can get on the first few dates, however (and still keep the interest going), the more promising the relationship (although it’s important not to count your chickens too soon).Small Talk Topics go beyond the weather, in a dating situation, because the relationship dynamic and its expectations are different.