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It is important to express to an HFA how his or her drinking is negatively affecting you (emotionally, spiritually, physically) and how you perceive it is harming others as well (friends, children).

In order to prevent an HFA from getting overly defensive, you can place the emphasis on your feelings and concerns - instead of stating how you think he or she should be living or acting.

In addition, attending individual therapy or even family therapy with the HFA can be effective.

It is best to find a therapist who specializes in treating addictions, and you can often do this search through your insurance company, by asking your physician or by asking a therapist whom you may know for a suggestion.

Al-Anon ( is a free, anonymous national support for the friends and loved ones of alcoholics and ACOA ( is a free, anonymous national support specifically for adult children of alcoholic parent(s).

He or she may not believe that they are alcoholic and believe require more concrete evidence of being alcoholic in order to even consider getting sober (you can refer to my last blog "Social Drinkers, Problem Drinkers and High-Functioning Alcoholics: Differences and Warning Signs" for help in determining what type of drinker the individual is).He will consume on average 8-14 beers every single night! It's tougher than AA, but it is possible to stay in a relationship with an alkie, and most importantly, with yourself. My partner will drink at least 12-18 beers every, single, night - sometimes an entire carton of 24. I have even recorded it and played it back and he still denies it.He looks normal, is kind, loving, respectful and a great dad to his 9 year old son. In the last two years he has not gone without for a day. I have been reading this but not considered commenting until I saw your comment is so recent. I am at the same stage after suffering my (female) partner of nearly 20 years' "secret" drinking over the last two years.In terms of intimate relationships, many spouses or romantic partners have reported that they experience difficulty connecting emotionally with the HFA.Alcohol is the HFA's best friend and it is hard for anyone to compete with that relationship.

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  1. Nor are they part of the rising generation of gender-fluid individuals for whom the ever-lengthening list of sexual identities and affinities spells liberation from the heteronormative assumptions of parents and peers.